You do not really know somebody until you understand what they are NOT saying
Stressful situations arise when negotiating a good outcome whether it be in a sales situation, or a personal situation. You cannot know for sure what the other person is thinking, so it is important to control your own emotions so that your face does not speak for you.
Misunderstandings often arise when our faces speak for us.
It has been widely researched that we as humans have six basic emotions which include, happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust and surprise.
What is more relevant is that we feel that we can recognise these emotions on the faces of the people that we interact with and they are such that we all react differently when confronted with what our own perceptions of those emotions are.
As a very new Real Estate salesperson many years ago, I was selling a home for a couple who had very different values to what I had, so I am sure that my face showed shock and surprise a lot of the time when we were negotiating as their choice of slang was not what I was used to.
Other times, I have laughed when perhaps I should not have, as my sense of humour is understandably different to others. Thank goodness though for our differences as otherwise life might be boring otherwise.
When my late husband was courageously battling cancer, after being given two months to live, those times were extremely difficult.
I was understandably feeling very sad and anxious, and felt sure that he would be looking at my sadness and feeling even more helpless and sadder, because he fix a terrible situation.
He was bravely enduring terrible treatment so did not need the worry of what would happen to his family when he was no longer here.
It was at that time that I tried really hard to control my facial expressions, and to instead find happy things to share with him. It was difficult to get the mix right, as I did not want him to feel that I was over happy or simply battling to cope with all the awful emotions of despair, fear, pain and grief.
We are only human and will always look to the shining light at the end of the tunnel, hoping things will change for the better, so hope is one emotion that we should grasp eagerly and always share with others.
Emotional faces are said to communicate both the emotional state and the behavioural intentions of an individual.
Happiness is associated with “approach” and anger with “avoidance”.
However, our responses to sadness and disgust are perhaps considered more complex.
Sadness often causes withdrawal in an individual , but it is different for each of us, mostly governed by our current circumstances, while our disgust often shows as an immediate withdrawal from a situation if we do not agree, or if it challenges our beliefs.
If you are busy negotiating a property sale , if you are challenged by a buyer or seller’s ethics or values, you might withdraw and try and neutralise the situation, drawing it into a new direction so that this gives you time to assess the situation and find a compromise, in order to progress the negotiations.
Experienced negotiators will mask their personal feelings and choose their words and body language carefully.
We will often trust a smiling, happy person and feel that they are more trustworthy over a person who has an angry or unsmiling manner.
Always maintain friendly eye contact and be aware of your facial expressions.
Once when negotiating with a pompous, unfriendly, and extremely wealthy man, he made it quite clear that he did not like negotiating with a younger woman, who he judged to be inexperienced.
I was on time, and professional and smiled in greeting. He ignored my extended hand to shake his in greeting and promptly turned on his heel walking into his lounge, still unsmiling and unfriendly.
As a fledgling salesperson I had been told ” hold your head up high and look for his personal space” and there it was, a big comfy chair that looked like his, so I made for that and sat in it.
He was immediately put out of his comfort zone, and his manner seemed to change, even though he was still abrupt, he did listen to what I had to say, and happily began negotiating the contract in good faith.
My personal view is that it takes very little to be polite, no matter who you are dealing with. I sold his property making him a handsome profit and over the next few years he did refer me a lot of business, so I chose to believe from those referrals that he begrudgingly appreciated my work ethic and friendly professional manner in getting the job done.
Work hard, have fun, play fair, dream big. We only get one chance at this life!
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